Second
by weewah
Summary: A collection of random ideas for funny things 8man could experience, all related to the word "Second", combined into a short story. Note: will not stick to any specific ship, nor will it have a proper ending.
1. Chapter 1

Second

If there was one thing that was better in reality than in anime and manga, it would be grades. Specifically, it would be how we are told our grades.

Although, to be fair, it was an inevitable outcome for a medium that values visual action over plain text. Rather than a boring list of grades, school animes with a focus on grades will often attempt more grandiose means of conveying to the readers just how outstanding the main characters' grades are.

There could be a difference in uniform between the students with high grades and the students with low grades.

There could be a hot-blooded teacher animatedly yelling out how amazing the best student is, in a misguided attempt to encourage the rest of the students to study harder.

There could even be a familiar summoning system where your summons have your test scores listed right above their heads, in plain sight for all to see. **[1]**

At the end of the day, the grades of the students are shamelessly displayed to the public regardless of their wills, making them into targets for envy, scorn, and ridicule.

In that sense, reality was far better.

While I couldn't deny the existence of institutions that shamelessly announce their students' academic results, I could at least be proud of the fact that Sobu High School was a school that properly respected its students' privacy. Rather than some public noticeboard containing a list of all students and their grades, students were informed of their grades via proper report cards, personally handed out by a teacher to ensure that no other student could peek inside.

And while such report cards contained information about your rank compared to other students in the same year, they did not tell you which students you needed to overtake to get a better rank. In an ideal world, this would have encouraged students to better themselves rather than sabotage the students ahead of them.

Unfortunately, reality was far from ideal. Despite being on the opposite end of the classroom, I could distinctly hear the carefree voices of the popular cliques, broadcasting their results so loudly that the entire class could hear. Or in Tobe's case, the entire year.

And as much as I would have liked to say this was simply some sort of mental illness afflicting Tobe and company, such events were currently occurring all over the school. All of the consideration and effort Sobu High School had put into protecting the privacy of its students was currently being squandered by the very students in question.

Thanks to that, the identities of the top ranking students were always compromised. Everyone knew that the competition-obsessed Yukinoshita had gotten first place on every test in every subject since she entered the school. And even a loner like me was pretty certain that that riajuu Hayama was keeping a firm grip on second.

Then again, the identity of the 3rd ranked student for the language ability tests was always a mystery among the students in my year, so perhaps the system was actually working. As such, with every intention of continuing to uphold this system, I held my unopened report card close to my chest and quietly left the classroom.

...

 _Just to be clear, it wasn't as though I was ashamed of my grades or anything!_

I just didn't think I could bear the annoyance if someone like Tobe caught wind of how well I did. Depending on how things went down, I could be subjected to either hours of endless bragging, or hours of endless begging to be tutored. Neither of those sounded like something I could put up with, especially since it was Tobe.

Thus I first walked to my usual spot, around the corner of the corridor, in a place that none of my classmates could see.

In truth, I wanted to move even further away, but Yuigahama would probably become upset if I headed to the Service Club without her.

Opening my report card, the first thing I checked was my weaker subjects. Even if those subjects weren't essential for my future plans, failing too many of them could put me on probation like Yuigahama. That would be exceptionally dangerous. Yuigahama was fine because she was an only child, but what would happen to Komachi if her brother got expelled from the high school that she had worked so hard to finally get into?

For Komachi's sake, I had to ensure my continued attendance at Sobu High. That way I could continue to help her out with any assignments that the teachers were too lazy to change over the years.

Fortunately, it seemed that my cramming had paid off. With a passing grade listed in each of these subjects, I was now in no danger of being put on probation.

Filled with relief, I was about to close my report card again when something strange caught my eye.

[ Language Ability Rank: ]

[ Second in the Year ]

...

 _S-Se-Second!?_

I stared at my report card in shock and disbelief.

 _Second place? In the year? Not in the class?_

I moved my fingers over the printed letters, confirming that it was not some layer of dirt that was actually covering the word 'Third'.

...

I...

I was now second.

Ever since I entered Sobu High School, I had been stuck at third. Stuck under that infuriating riajuu who somehow maintained his second place position despite spending all of his time socializing and enjoying his superficial youth rather than actually studying.

And now... finally... at long last... I had managed to overcome him.

My eyes began to grow hot.

No, rather than hot, there was a mysterious feeling in my eyes that I couldn't describe in words.

 _Eh? Was I always the type of person who cared this much about grades?_

 _Don't tell me I was currently crying tears of joy or something..._

Worrying about that, I quickly lifted up my head and closed my report card. I used my hands to rub the sides of my face, but they were dry.

Which was good because there was a familiar hair bun had just entered my vision, and that hair bun was now bouncing about just a little bit ahead of where I was standing. As its owner continued to move about erratically as if she was looking for someone, two other round objects of hers began to bounce about as well.

 _Seriously, what was this girl doing?_

"Oi, Yuigahama."

"Ah! Yes?"

Hearing her name suddenly called, Yuigahama stopped jumping about and moved towards the source of the voice, stopping right in front of me. Thankfully, while the distance between us had decreased, so had the kinetic energy of the bouncing objects. Thus I was able to maintain my peace of mind.

"Let's go." I muttered while averting my gaze, moving my legs towards the Service Club Room.

But strangely, Yuigahama didn't follow me.

"Eh? Err... sorry, who might you be?"

 _Huh?_

As expected, after hearing such a strange question, I had no choice but to turn around and face her.

"What are you talking about? It's me, me!" I responded in panic while sounding like a telephone scam.

Please don't tell me my passive skill Stealth Hikki had leveled up again. If even my follow club members could not recognize my face anymore, I might start to seriously consider a career in espionage.

Yuigahama let out a small "H-Hmm?" while leaning in closer to take a better look at my face.

 _C-Close!_

This girl seriously had no sense of personal space. Yet I couldn't back off since I had to confirm the status of my Stealth Hikki skill.

Finally, Yuigahama's eyes grew wide in realization.

"H-Hikki?!" she yelled while jumping back and creating space between us. "What happened to your eyes?!"

"Eh?" Now that she mentioned it, that strange feeling in my eyes was still there. I had confirmed that no tears were leaking out or anything, but perhaps there were tears pooling in them or something? And because of that layer of tears my eyes looked strange to Yuigahama?

 _Hmm...?_ Wait, shouldn't my vision be blurry if that was the case? But rather than blurry, my vision actually seemed clearer than ever.

In that case, what was the problem?

Since I couldn't actually see my own eyes without a mirror, it was best to ask the person who could actually see them.

"What's wrong with my eyes?"

"N-No! Nothing! Err... erm... how do I put this... erm... your eyes just seem... very normal all of a sudden. Like other people's eyes..."

I waited patiently while Yuigahama continued to stammer out an incoherent response. _Very_ _'normal'? What was that even supposed to mean?_

"...Usually your eyes are more narrow, like a criminal or something... so I didn't recognize you," she finished while showing an apologetic smile.

"Ah. That so?"

Normally I would be quite offended by her insensitive comments, but my report card had put me in a magnanimous mood so I let them slide.

"Come on, let's go," I muttered once more as I resumed walking towards the Service Club Room. "Yukinoshita is waiting," I added in an attempt to persuade Yuigahama to drop the topic and follow this time.

Just as planned, Yuigahama went "ah that's right!" and quickly began walking beside me. Except she didn't drop the topic.

While brazenly staring at my face, marveling at my apparently 'normal' eyes, Yuigahama continued the conversation.

"Ne... Hikki. You not only look different, you're also acting kinda weird, you know? Did something happen?"

"Hmm? Ah ah. It's just this," I responded while handing her my report card. Explaining was a bit of a pain, so it was easier if she just saw it herself.

Yuigahama received my report card with a small look of surprise. "Eh? Is it fine if I see this?"

"Sure?" I answered with a small look of annoyance. _Why else would I hand it to her?_

"O-Oh. I just thought that Hikki didn't want anyone to see his grades... If that wasn't the case you could have just looked at them in class like everyone else..."

"No no, I do want to hide my grades from the others," Especially from annoying people like Tobe. "I just figured it was fine if it was you- Ah."

As soon as the words left my mouth, I realised I had phrased them badly.

"E-Eh?!" Yuigahama immediately began to blush, and realizing that, she quickly opened the report card and buried her head in it while continuing to talk. "Is- is that so? H-Hehh..."

 _...Not good._

This girl had definitely made some weird misunderstanding just now.

The reason Yuigahama was a safe person to show my grades to was because she already had Yukinoshita, the number one in our year, tutoring her. So even if I had better grades than her, there was no risk that she would ask me for tutoring. And if my grades were worse... well let's face it. It was Yuigahama, so that wasn't possible. Thus Yuigahama was an absolutely safe choice.

Among my classmates, the only ones I would be willing to show my grades to were her and Totsuka. But Totsuka was dangerous in a different sense. If Totsuka ever displayed the slightest interest in my grades, forget my report card, I don't think I would be able to stop myself from showing him my test papers even while I was still writing them.

But if I told Yuigahama my reasoning, she would probably hit me. And while her tiny fists came nowhere close to the level of destruction I was used to receiving from Hiratsuka-sensei, I wasn't a masochist who enjoyed being hit.

So I stayed silent.

...

Well, what she was thinking probably wasn't completely wrong...

* * *

 **Author's Note: Taking a break from the Stay-Over series. It's not over, I'm just a bit burned out from writing that recent piece of 'drama'. The reviews were strangely positive though, so I guess it was worth it lol... Anyway, here's introducing a new side-series: "Second"!**

 **Originally, this was planned as a much longer one-shot, combining the ideas of multiple one-shots that revolve around the word "Second". But well, writing long chapters kinda burns me out, which would kinda defeat the purpose of writing side-series while recovering from burn-out. So yeah, this will be a short series of short chapters, maybe about 2 to 4 chapters max.**

* * *

 **[1] "Baka to Test to Shoukanjuu" anime.**


	2. Chapter 2

Second of Second

Being filled with a sense of nostalgia, a sense of anticipation for resuming our Service Club activities...

...was not what happened when we reached the Service Club Room.

After all, the Service Club was Sobu High School's incredibly accurate simulation of a black company **[1]**. Over the last year, I had found out the hard way that this club never had breaks for its workers. Work continued all year round, even during the exam periods and the summer holidays. And even when we weren't meeting in the club, there would often be requests that spilled over into our private lives, such as being forced to read Zaimokuza's many, many manuscripts.

Of course, such overtime was always unpaid. Heck, even the normal work hours were unpaid. Granted, I was slacking off during most of these hours, or outright shirking my work responsibilities during the testing period, but since I was still attending, didn't that deserve some reward?

Yet the only person associated with the Service Club who actually got paid anything was its CEO of sorts, a one Hiratsuka-sensei, who despite having the title of advisor and a responsibility to supervise us, had stopped appearing in the club room soon after it was established. I honestly had to praise the school for providing such a realistic simulation, it was doing wonders for my motivation to find work in the future.

When I put it that way, the Service Club suddenly felt like a terrible place. So why was I still willingly attending it?

Perhaps I was a masochist after all...

...

No, no. It was obviously because I enjoyed the tranquil silence of the room. Since it was situated in such a remote location, we could spend our time here in peaceful silence, far away from the noisy, gallivanting youths we begrudgingly accepted as classmates.

Ah... I could see it now. In a few moments, a fair-skinned ojou-sama **[2]** would be pouring hot tea for us, which after a few minutes of blowing to cool it down, could be sipped leisurely while enjoying a good book...

Perhaps tired of waiting for the one standing in front of the Service Club Room to finish his inner monologue, Yuigahama saved herself a few seconds by opening the door herself.

As usual, it was an action that was accompanied by a loud "Yahallo!", but such a thing wasn't enough to disturb the peaceful atmosphere of the room.

See? Immediately after she finished, the room had returned to its usual deathly silence.

 _Wait, deathly?!_

The discrepancy between my expectations and reality snapped me out of my thoughts, causing my eyes to focus on the source of this deathly aura.

Yukinoshita Yukino.

A fair-skinned beauty whose skin today was far more fair than I had ever seen. It was so fair, it was in fact deathly pale. In contrast to the prim and proper sitting posture I expected her to be in, Yukinoshita was instead limply collapsed on her chair, with not a sign of life in her. Even her eyes, which were usually chock full of idealistic dreams, were now lifeless and dead. Seeing that-

"Te- EH?! Yukinon? What happened?"

Yuigahama quickly ran up to her to see if she was alright.

 _Oh, so if it's Yukinon you will be able to recognize even if the eyes change huh?_

No, this wasn't the time for that. What had caused Yukinoshita to become like this?

Seeking to find the answer to that question, my eyes had no choice but to scan her body for clues. But my efforts fell flat. There was nothing in the location I looked. It was a completely barren and flat landscape, with no outstanding features whatsoever.

Ahem. Well. There were no wounds, so whatever it was must be purely psychological.

With that in mind, I expanded my search area to the rest of the room. Then my eyes fell on a report card, partially sticking out of Yukinoshita's bag.

The dots connected.

 _Ah._

 _I see._

 _So that's how it was._

 _Heh... hehe..._

I moved over to my chair and slumped over it while laughing nihilistically inside my head.

I did think it was strange.

Defeating Hayama had seemed just a bit too easy.

So this was the reason.

Perhaps it was my poor math skills that prevented me from noticing earlier. But the position I had before was third.

In other words, there were two people above me. So even if I advanced in rank by one, that didn't necessarily mean I had just taken down the second.

There was another possibility that I had completely overlooked.

 _Heh... hehe... hehehe..._

My achievement now felt completely hollow.

Even if I had outranked Yukinoshita, it wasn't as if I had actually improved any.

I could conclude that because I knew of Yukinoshita's circumstances. No, even if I didn't know, those massive eyebags under her now lifeless eyes told the entire story.

After all, during the testing period, Yukinoshita had been the only one properly reading every one of Zaimokuza's countless manuscripts. In contrast to Yuigahama who probably had not read a single word, and I who had just skimmed through the outlines, Yukinoshita had sacrificed her time to thoroughly review everything, providing our three people's worth of feedback all by herself.

And this was the price she paid. Sleep deprivation and lowered academic performance.

 _Haa..._

At some point, the mysterious feeling in my eyes had disappeared.

Yet even in its normal, blurrier state, I could still see Yuigahama in the corner of my eye, desperately attempting to revive Yukinoshita through a series of violent shakes, ill-advised techniques that would cause any medically-trained personnel to faint in horror.

I would retort but... what was the point?

So I continued to stay collapsed in my chair.

"Hikki! Don't just stand there, come and say something to- EH!? Why are you also collapsed?"

 _Saa... why indeed?_

I continued to stare upwards at the ceiling blankly, while Yuigahama's gaze flitted back and forth between the two corpses that used to be her fellow club members.

"Mou, what's wrong you two?"

Since neither corpse was able to provide a response, Yuigahama remained at a loss, unable to help the situation.

And for better or worse, she didn't need to, for the atmosphere of the clubroom was once again disturbed.

"Goramu Goramu! Good job on waiting this long everyone, but worry no more! For yours truly, Master Fencer Zaimokuza Yoshiteru has now entered the stage!"

 _Damn it Zaimokuza, read the mood, not destroy it!_

...is probably what I would have said if I had any energy.

 _Knock!_

...is probably what Yukinoshita would have said if she had any energy.

Hey, why was her response only one word long? That seems to require far less energy than mine...

But well, since neither of us actually responded, and Yuigahama was still busy attempting what looked like the Heimlich Maneuver **[3]** on Yukinoshita (was she trying to revive her or kill her?!), Zaimokuza continued unopposed, dumping another thick stack of papers onto the table.

"Today I want you all to review this! This time I have followed the trend of web novelists and written a parallel world reincarnation story! The main character starts off by getting hit by a truck! Then he ascends to heaven and gets offered a-"

"Chuuni **[4]** , sorry but can you come back later? We are currently just a little-"

"Ei!" Interrupting Yuigahama's interruption, Zaimokuza continued to ignore the atmosphere while making his demands. "You call yourselves a Service Club like this?! Do you think requests will solve themselves while you rest? Will a demon king sit still and avoid attacking villages until the heroes recover their strength? Of course not! Ah wait... it actually does in today's manuscript... ah but that's because the DEMON KING OF DARKNESS here is bound by the SACRED HEAVENLY CONTRACT, and will lose his DIVINE LIGHT magic if he-"

"Oi! Why is a demon king of darkness using divine light magic?!"

As expected, after hearing so much nonsense, I couldn't stop myself from throwing out a retort.

Meanwhile, Yukinoshita, probably provoked by Zaimokuza's statements, pulled herself together and returned to her normal sitting posture. Either that or she had realized the danger that Yuigahama posed to her health if she continued to stay silent, for her first words were addressed to the most imminent threat rather than the requester.

"Yuigahama-san, I'm fine. I'm fine, so please stop. So Zaimokuza-kun, what did you need?"

Finally getting the attention he sought, Zaimokuza eyes began sparkling. "Glad you finally asked! You see, this time the main character is actually based on..."

* * *

In the end, nothing actually changed huh? Time continued to pass by as the Service Club was pulled about by another one of Zaimokuza's requests.

Through all of this, I wondered if we had actually accomplished anything at all. At the very least, Zaimokuza's manuscripts sure weren't getting any better. It was the same delusional chuunibyou style of writing as always, protagonists based on himself and antagonists based on whichever riajuu rubbed him the wrong way most recently.

Come to think of, if Zaimokuza had been continuing to write all this crap even throughout the testing period, how had he managed to pass his exams?

"Ah, a good question Hachiman! But worry not. This one was wise enough to write them beforehand! I actually still have many more manuscripts at home, the great me just figured I should only give them to you one at a time to avoid overworking you! Fahaha."

 _*snap*_

I think a few veins burst in anger.

 _Well then, no wonder there was no sign of our feedback in any of the manuscripts!_

 _Haa..._

Was there even any point in doing this?

I looked at Zaimokuza lethargically. Perhaps the individual had at least grown somehow? But as far as I could tell, Zaimokuza was still the same mood-destroying chuunibyou as before.

Hmm... I guess there was one difference. Back when Zaimokuza first came to the Service Club, he was only talking to me, and had difficulty even looking at the girls. Just having Yuigahama or Yukinoshita look at him was enough to make him break out in sweat... well, more sweat than usual anyway.

But now, that stuttering, trembling, and ultimately creepy figure that cowered in fear every time Yukinoshita spoke to him was nowhere to be seen. Instead, he was currently having a heated debate with Yukinoshita about the importance of having maid uniforms even in fantasy stories, while Yuigahama watched on in disgust. In the end the creepy part didn't change though.

Putting it nicely, you could say it was progress. Zaimokuza had found the self-confidence he needed to speak to girls. But to my eyes I could only see him as getting full of himself. Thanks to our 'Service Club' moniker, Zaimokuza was probably getting the wrong idea that he had the two beautiful girls of this club at his beck and call. His overconfidence was probably going to come back to bite him one day...

"Zaimokuza-kun, isn't this enough? If you keep relying on the service club instead of learning to rely on yourself, how will you survive after we graduate? This club is here to teach you how to fish, not to give you a fish every time you ask."

"Hmph, so you say, but is this club not relying on me as well?! If not for my divine ZAIMOKUZA BARRIER OF THE EIGHT SIGNS, the evil beings of the UNDERWORLD KING OF DARKNESS would have destroyed your silly club before it even existed!"

...apparently that day was today.

As Yukinoshita's face darkened, as if to say 'My Ice element is just a cover, my real element is Darkness!" **[5]** , I made an attempt to save Zaimokuza from his impending doom.

"Oi, the two of you, why don't you just leave it at that?"

In response, Yukinoshita sent me a terrifying glare that made me wish she had just put a bag on my head instead **[6]**. Meanwhile Zaimokuza snorted.

"Hachiman, this is a sacred talk between writer and editor, it is not the place for the likes of you to interrupt!"

 _... why was I trying to save this guy again?_

Thinking that, I excused myself from the club room under the pretext of buying drinks, since our teacups had been covered with Zaimokuza's spittle.

* * *

 **Author's Note: If this chapter seems familiar, that would be it expands on an idea that was just briefly mentioned within my first fanfic (Reunion of the Master Fencer). Looking back, it has been six months since I started writing, hopefully I have gotten better XD.**

 **Anyway, one more chapter to go.**

* * *

 **[1] Black company... basically every company. Really this term is meaningless. I so do not want to work...  
**

 **[2] 'ojou-sama' means something like a daughter of a rich family.**

 **[3] The 'Heimlich Maneuver' is a dangerous technique where you basically squeeze someone's abdomen tightly to make them cough up whatever they are choking on. It can cause severe injuries, so it is really not recommended unless absolutely necessary.**

 **[4] 'Chuuni' is Yuigahama's nickname for Zaimokuza.**

 **[5] [6] References to the 'D-Frag' anime/manga character 'Roka Shibasaki', who uses Fire element as her cover while her real element is Darkness. Her special move is putting bags on people's heads so they are put in darkness.**

* * *

Thanks for all the reviews. I noticed a lot of reviewers got excited about 8man's normal eyes, but that was actually a one-time gag and I had planned to destroy them from the start so... whoops. Guess only Yui will have the privilege of seeing those eyes. That's what happens when you combine different one-shots. The story may flow, but the settings mostly get reset after each chapter. Tehe~ :P.

Also the anticipation for first place putting second place back in his place... kinda ruined that too, sorry! Yea extremely OOC I know, canon Yukino could never not get full marks on an exam.

* * *

P.S. To the reviewer(s) that found this chapter boring... ouch :(. But yeah, that has a tendency to happen when I write chapters where Zaimokuza plays a major role. It's either his fault or mine, and either way a chuuni is saddened. I can't really avoid it in this case though, at least not for what I have planned next. This chapter is really sort of a setup for that.


	3. Chapter 3

SecEnd

Upon leaving the clubroom, I made eye contact with an eavesdropper who was leaning on the wall right outside the room.

 _...not good!_

I quickly moved my left hand to my mouth to make the gesture for 'Shush!', while using my right hand to close the door behind me. Whether she had planned it that way or not, Isshiki Iroha currently was not visible to the people inside the room. But any noise she made had a pretty good chance of being audible.

I had to get her away from here.

Although Zaimokuza's remaining lifespan could now be measured in seconds, Isshiki's remaining lifespan probably still contained a good number of years. As long as she did not enter that room that is.

Because while Zaimokuza was the Service Club's most frequent client, Isshiki was the Service Club's most frequent visitor. The only difference was that while Zaimokuza was like a destroyer of worlds, bringing groups everywhere to ruin, Isshiki was an infiltrator of worlds, becoming part of groups everywhere. Slyly integrating herself into the Service Club as if she had always belonged there, she often confused new clients, making them think that the Service Club was some kind of offshoot of the student council.

Then again, when I considered the amount of work we actually did for the student council, perhaps we really were an offshoot.

And to make matters worse, I had the feeling that Isshiki was slowly working on infiltrating other aspects of my life as well. Recently she had even started to show up in my classroom during breaks, using assigning work to me as a pretext to linger around Hayama. I was so afraid that one of these days she would infiltrate my home as well, and then Himouto Iroha-chan would begin, dooming me to a life of corporate slavery... **[1]**

No, now was not the time for this. I could already hear the death throes of a Chuuni starting, his loud "Guhebo!"s echoing outwards from inside the room behind me. And as terrifying as Isshiki was, I couldn't wish the same fate upon any human.

So without uttering a word, I beckoned her to follow me.

Fortunately, this was one client that could read the mood, for Isshiki quickly nodded, and the two of us silently moved away from the scene of the crime.

* * *

"So, did you need something from the Service Club?" I asked as soon as we were a safe distance away. "It's probably better to try some other time though..."

Taking that as the signal to begin, Isshiki replaced her tense expression with her usual sly smile.

"Ah not really. Rather, it's fine if it's just Senpai."

I immediately got a bad feeling, increasing the size of the near-perpetual frown on my face. And as if to mirror that, the size of Isshiki's grin increased by the same amount.

"Senpai, do you remember the free newspaper you helped make for the student council?"

 _Ugh._ "After all that, how could I possibly forget?" Having to write an entire column in two days... I don't remember ever being worked so hard at any other point in my life. And the fact that I had nearly missed the deadline made me feel like such a worthless insect. Feeling like I belonged to the same species as Taishi had to be the worst feeling ever...

Isshiki blinked in surprise, her sly expression slipping for a moment.

 _Why was she finding this strange? She had been right there with me as I wrote the column._

Thanks to that, I had shown her and the other Service Club members a very embarrassing side of myself...

"Eh, ah. Erm... that newspaper ended up being very well received, to the point where the other members of the student council were unhappy that they didn't get to join in..."

 _Not good, not good!_

Every alarm in my head went off.

I wanted to immediately run away, but...

I looked down. Isshiki's hand was still attached to my sleeve.

...I see.

I did think it was weird that she had grabbed on to my sleeve as we were walking away from the Service Club room, so this was the reason.

In that case, there was only one thing I could do.

"I am not writing another column."

I made sure to make myself clear this time. The whole reason I got trapped in that mess the last time was because I said a bunch of vague stuff that Isshiki took as commitment. So this time, I was definitely going to reject everything with absolute clarity. I would leave no room for misunderstandings!

"Senpai, let me finish!" Isshiki sulked. "I said the other student council members wanted to join in this time, so you don't have to write anything."

Really? That's a relief... or so I thought at first, but in that case, why was Isshiki here?

 _Don't tell me..._

Changing from a pout to a thousand-watt grin faster than my computer could power up, Isshiki made her demands clear. "That's why, Senpai, this time all we need to do is go on another date!"

 _Urrgghh._ I had somewhat predicted it, but her brazen attitude in demanding it had still stunned me into silence.

Silence which was naturally taken advantage of, as Isshiki changed her tactics and her expression. Looking at me with upturned eyes, she continued: "Senpai... is that... no good?"

But I was long accustomed to such foxiness, so I resisted with every fiber of my being. "I am not going."

"Tch. So inviting you normally still doesn't work huh..." Isshiki muttered under her breath.

 _Erm, you know I can hear you right?_

If there was any frown that was analogous to Isshiki's thousand-watt smile, I was certainly making it now.

"Jeez Senpai, do you have to make that face? Even if it's me, I will get hurt you know?"

Isshiki adopted a look of pain that was pretty realistic, but I remained unmoved. Rather, than my heart, the only parts of my body that moved were the lips letting out a gigantic sigh, and the legs taking me towards the school's vending machines, which were finally coming into sight.

"Oh fine, have it your way Senpai. I will try something else," said Isshiki with a tired expression as she let go of my sleeve at last.

 _Hmm? Surprisingly, she gave up pretty quickly huh?_

And what good timing too.

Reaching for the nearest vending machine, I decided to celebrate escaping work by buying a can of MAX Coffee. Then again, even if I had been forced into working, I would have still bought a can of MAX Coffee to provide me the energy needed for that work. Truly, MAX Coffee was a suitable choice of beverage for every occasion. It made me wonder why other drinks even existed.

I was about to reward my lips with that sweet, sweet liquid, when I noticed that Isshiki was still standing beside me, staring at my drink while deep in thought.

"Do you still need something else?"

"No, well... Senpai, do you have more money on you?" Isshiki asked with a slightly apologetic look.

 _Hmm?_

Ah, did she want a drink as well?

Come to think of it, Isshiki was currently barehanded. I guess all her belongings were currently in the student council room or something, so she didn't have her purse with her. Although... this was the person who kept going around saying "my budget, my budget" whenever she talked about the student council budget, so I wouldn't be too surprised if Isshiki's purse had actually been replaced by the safe in the student council room that was used to store the student council funds...

Hmmm...

I could just buy the drink for her, but knowing Isshiki, she would suspect that my treat was a way of making passes at her. Since I didn't want to get rejected again, I chose a different option.

"Here. Borrow whatever you need."

I simply handed my wallet to her.

That way she could just take out whatever she needed, buy the drink herself, and then return the wallet.

It was a method that saved effort on my part too, since I wouldn't have to go digging around for coins and doing math in my head to figure out how many were needed for the drink.

Isshiki stared blankly at the wallet in her hands.

"It really happened exactly as Yui-senpai said..."

 _Hmm? What did?_

"Senpai, you are a bit too reckless with your personal possessions you know?" Isshiki said while breaking out a nasty grin that sent shivers down my back.

But despite my emotional misgivings, I couldn't see any logical reason why giving her my wallet presented any danger. Although our relationship probably wasn't something that could be called friendship, I did know quite a lot about Isshiki. She just wasn't the type of person who would steal my wallet. Even if she did, I was quite certain I could outrun her and thus catch her. And if against all the odds, she somehow managed to escape, she was still a member of this school, so I could easily find her.

In that case, what was the problem?

"No, it's not like I'm just giving my wallet to random strangers here... I gave it to you because it's you- Ah."

Damn it, this is the second time today. I really needed to think more about my phrasing before speaking, at this rate I was going to end up creating a huge misunderstanding some day...

...and Isshiki reacted predictably. A few moments of stunned silence followed by:

"Hah! What was that? Was that some new way of making passes at me? And a proposal even?! Something like 'I will give you full control over all our finances, so please marry me?' Sorry but that's way too early and it's creepy and I- Hmm? Now that I think about it... I might actually be pretty okay with that."

"Wrong! I'm just saying it's fine because it's not like you could do anything strange to my wallet! And even if you did, you're still a member of this school so it would be easy to find you!"

Good grief. I couldn't let my guard down around this girl at all.

 _And more like, don't accept just because you were offered money!_

Jeez, thanks to that my heart rate was shooting through the roof. I had even started breathing heavily as a result.

Those were surely signs that indicated how worried I was. As I was so, so worried that Isshiki would one day end up getting deceived by money and going out with a bad person. Like some guy with seedy eyes who wanted to be a house-husband.

As the both of us recovered our breaths from our respective outbursts, Isshiki continued the conversation.

"Naive, Senpai! So naive!"

Her taunting words gave me an ominous feeling, but no matter how I looked at it, it just wasn't possible for Isshiki to do any real harm. I mean, what could she possibly do?

As if she was reading my mind, Isshiki began to let out little 'tut-tut's and made an expression that conveyed the phrase: 'Just watch me.'

With her left hand still holding on to my open wallet, Isshiki moved her right hand to the top of her blazer... and began unbuttoning it.

 _Wait, this again!? We're in public in time you know? What was wrong with this girl's head?! Help!_

Or so I thought at first, but thinking about it, since the weather had gotten warmer recently, there were already quite a few students walking around with unbuttoned blazers. Many of them were even wearing their blazers in ways that completely defied the school's dress code, or had simply discarded their blazers altogether. So I guess it wasn't really that odd to see a girl unbuttoning her blazer around this time of year.

It was still oddly provocative though, so it took quite a bit of willpower for me to maintain focus on my wallet instead of her collarbones.

Reaching for the bulging breast pocket of her blouse, Isshiki's right hand retrieved a bunch of banknotes.

 _Wait a second... if she had her own money, why did she need-_

"EI!" Letting out a cute yell that was more or less her victory cry, Isshiki jammed all of the banknotes into my wallet and started mixing them around.

 _AAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!_

I hurriedly snatched my wallet out of her hands, but the damage was done.

What... just what was this person thinking?!

I gazed at the contents of my wallet, trying to figure out which banknotes were new and which were old. But they were in such a jumbled up mess that it was impossible to tell.

No wait, I had just used my wallet a moment ago. Think! Remember what was in it!

...

I couldn't! At that time I had only glanced at it for a brief moment, and had not bothered to properly check it.

After all, even if I was now on a monthly allowance, I had never felt the need to do any complicated math like keeping track of how much money I actually had on me or how much money I had spent this month. It was just far easier to roughly estimate the amount I could spend each day, limit myself to spending less than that, and then use the remaining amount at the end of each month to buy a present for Komachi or something.

So there was no way for me to figure out how much money had just been shoved into my wallet.

I stared at the culprit of this mess.

What in the world was this girl thinking?

I could understand if she had taken money from me, but why had she given me money instead?

I couldn't come up with an answer no matter how much I thought about it, so I asked her directly.

"What is the meaning of this?"

With a victorious grin that showed no sign of remorse, Isshiki continued to taunt.

"Senpai, have you forgotten what the purpose of our date is?"

 _Purpose..._

"Wasn't it just something like... going to fun places to have fun?"

"Yes but, not just that right?"

I searched my memories.

I guess there was also writing about those places in the newspaper so others can learn about them too? Something like a WIN-WIN situation?

 _Hmm?_ But wait, why would someone like Isshiki care whether other people knew about fun dating spots?

No, that was just the official reason. The real reason was just so she could charge the cost of the date as part of the student council expenses.

That was why she had kept all of the receipts from our last date and recorded down every single one of them.

 _Eh?_ Now that I think about it... I had paid for quite a few of those. And up until now I had not received any money from the student council, so I had figured that I was just meant to pay for them out of my own pocket.

Which was just as well because I really didn't want to be involved in this gross misappropriation of the student council's budget.

"So this was... the reimbursement?" I asked, seeking confirmation.

"Yep! And some extra to pay for our next date!" Isshiki responded with the largest grin today, now fully reveling in her victory.

"No. Wait. Why?" I was momentarily reduced to using single word sentences as my brain struggled to wrap itself around this latest development. "If you are going to charge them as expenses anyway, why can't you just pay for them yourself?"

Isshiki's grin was temporarily replaced by a frown of mock anger. "Jeez Senpai, how could you ask the girl take out her purse while on a date?"

Then it returned in full force. "Anyway, I am not telling you how much I put in until after the date, so you better come!"

"It's at the same time and place!" were the last words I heard as Isshiki ran off without waiting for a response.

 _...  
_

 _Ugh..._

 _Urrgghhh..._

 _..._

I stared at the wallet in my hands.

That was foul play.

I did worry that I would one day end up becoming controlled by money... but certainly not this soon, and not like this.

Still, it wasn't as if I could just keep the money. As much as Isshiki treated it like her own funds, the money actually belonged to the student council. It was one thing to use it as expenses for questionable student council activities. It was a whole other thing to just take it without doing any work. While the former could be treated as ill-advised spending, the latter was clearly embezzlement.

I felt myself mired in so much evil that a part of me just wanted to hand over my entire wallet to Isshiki and be done with it. However, my own money was also mixed in there, and giving it up went against my principles.

 _Haa..._

I guess it was time to have a second date with Isshiki.

* * *

 **Author's Note: So yeah, I promised an Irohasu one-shot, and here it is! Second date, GET!**

 **Iroha's cunningness here might be a bit overboard, but I wanted to do a different type of sly trick than the others I had already seen in canon/fanfiction. The idea really came to me while I was rewatching S1, when Hikki just casually passes Yui his phone without a care in the world. I saw that and was like, "AN OPENING!"**

 **And so this fic was born... or it would have been except for one problem. I needed to somehow get 8man and Iroha alone for it to happen. Yet at this point in the LNs, Yui is pretty much following Hikki EVERYWHERE. They are together in class. They are together in the Service Club. Heck, t** **hey are even together on the way to the Service Club. And after the first Iroha date, there's no way Yui is letting Iroha get alone with 8man that easily, so there's no opening for Iroha to attack! So I left this one-shot idea on the bench for months.  
**

 **Then the other one-shot idea of 8man taking second place came along. And then I realized, by combining it with the Chuuni extermination idea from my first fic, wouldn't 8man end up alone while the rest of the Service Club is stuck handling Zaimokuza?**

 **Like seriously, Zaimokuza is such a useful plot device lol.**

 **P.S. I won't be doing the actual date itself, so this is the last chapter. If you need to read about Iroha dates, there's already quite a few good ones on this site.**

* * *

 **[1] Reference to "Himouto Umaru-chan" anime/manga. A story about a little sister and her corporate slave big brother who has to take care of her every whim.**

* * *

My usual thanks to the people who have followed this story to the end. Some responses to the reviews:

Guest: Yes, Hachiman got 2nd rank because Yukinoshita was super worn out from her Service Club duties, and ended up not getting a perfect score on her exams. So yeah, that means Hayama is now 1st rank... :(

BentShuriken/80K Hikigaya: But, but. Zaimokuza is so useful! Like seriously, any problem you have, just throw a Zaimokuza at it. He will destroy the problem in one shot! As well as everything else around it... like the atmosphere, the scenery, the solution, the other characters, or even the reader's will to continue reading the fic... oh x_X. Alright fine I'll stop using Zaimokuza to solve my plot problems lol.

hjiu, illusion2438: Had to avoid writing that scene in full, or the rating would go to M from excessive verbal violence XD.

Taiko: Yeah, I know the eyes aren't new. I mean heck, Loner-kun has been going around this site with a normal-eyed hikki as his avatar for ages lol (at least, that's what I think his avatar is). If I had to summarize the main ideas for this fic, it was basically the wallet trick plus giving some other heroines a slight taste of the 8dense ("It's only you!") that Sakisaki is being showered with in the StayOver fic, and show the differences in how they would react.

I figured Yui would react pretty similarly, but a lot more obviously and without the brocon/delinquent attributes clouding Hikki's sensors.

On the other hand, Iroha. Oh man, Irohasu. That version of 8dense just doesn't work at all. She just immediately points out everything that could possibly be interpreted as making passes at her.


End file.
